Most people recognize the earth motherness of Attachment Motherhood. Its unmistakeable nursing on demand, baby slinging, co-sleeping, snuggly kind of baby stuff. Oh, they even usually use cloth diapers and organic baby food. But those things don’t actually define Attachment.
Theoretically speaking, attachment refers to the relationship and the innate natural order to which it is drawn. Uninterrupted, this natural order is a close mother-baby bond. And, theoretically speaking, one could practicing this sort of motherhood and actually not breastfeed the baby. If a mother was highly tuned in, responsive and caring to the needs of her baby, she could, in effect, have a beautifully attached relationship with her baby.
The burning question here would be…Why? Why would you not nurse your baby, considering that nursing that baby on a purely physiological level makes us more tuned in, responsive and caring of the needs of the baby. But of course, except in circumstances of an unusual nature, such as adoption, a mother interested in fostering and developing the attachment the baby is both born with and longs for would always nurse her baby.
Why? Pure selfishness. Its easier to have an attachment relationship if you nurse your baby. It just is. Your hormones are supporting it. You don’t have to make bottles. You don’t have to find an adequate day care. You don’t have to buy a crib. You minimize baby’s fussiness and neediness by filling up his wee tank before its ever emptied.
And baby understands the limitless love of a limitless Creator before he can even understand that there is one. Out of our selfish little act of not having to get up at night to make bottles is born an attachment that fosters relationships later on, with friends, with spouse, with God Almighty Himself.
We love our babies with abandonment so that they can love like that. And so they can let themselves be loved like that. Because of their innate value and dignity of who they were born to be.
And you, you selfish attachment Dads. We know you are just all about not being on call so much during the night, supporting your wives to breastfeed and co-sleep the way you do. You like your wives all chock full of those happy baby hormones. We’re onto you.
Love like crazy.